Who Needs Sleep

I've had it for days... the dreaded INSOMNIA. I havent been able to sleep before 3am, and even then it is a very restless slumber, waking up hourly. Its really mocking my tired ass tonight. After about three hours sleep last night, I thought for sure I would pass out as soon as my head hit the pillow tonight... yah, not so much. Its 4am and I am sitting here in sweats, listening to the wind howl, munching on my homemade banana bread with cream cheese (DELISH, thanks very much) and I am no where near sleep. The only positive aspect of this craptacular evening? A few mysterious phone calls from "The Sandman" (aka Jared) and a lullaby that included the phrase "...and if that Clementine's not sweet, Mommys gonna buy you a piece of meat." Its disturbing details like this that make me adore that boy.
I'm sure my insomnia is anxiety related; my mind has been swimming lately with thoughts that cant be pinned down. I have so much work to do and have been working my ass off, yet I can never seem to get enough of it done during the day to feel satisfied. And its not just me being a perfectionist, its just that I am swamped with these essays and preparing for my dissertation. Not to mention the endless job searching that has begun... that is one cold, harsh reality- that I am going to be looking for a job nonstop for the five months. Can a girl get an OY VAY!?!
This weekend I tried hard to chill out. I broke up the work with a little retail therapy, a great Irish film, and a trip to Queen of Tarts, because nothing says depression like Bailey's chocolate chip chessecake. Alas, Monday came, and it was back to the gym, back to work, and back to stressing.
Not gonna lie, I'm wicked homesick. With all thats going on with the fam at home, I really want to be there... not here... but its just not in the cards right now. I cant make it happen. HOWEVER, there is much to look forward to in these upcoming weeks. I'm going to London for a much anticipated reunion/ birthday bash with Ben, and as soon as I get back to Dublin, Matt is coming to visit. It will be delightful to see two of my favorite guys! I know, I know... this life in Europe, not so bad.
But for now, I'm going to go rock out to some trade liberalization. Nothing like the cruel, cruel world to put a girl to sleep.

Times Like This

Its times like this when family pulls together, when you realize how short life is, how important people are to you. Times like this get me thinking about the people in my life, loved and lost. Times like this make me wish I was fourteen again, at home, loving life, and untouchable. Times like this are heart-breaking.
I hate times like this.
I've been thinking a lot about the people I have lost recently in my life; its been a rough year and a half. There are so many things that I wish I would have said, would have done, would have told the people that are gone. You can hope that people knew how much you love them, but you really can never tell. Its one of the most tragic things about life: we often do not give people the love and attention they deserve until they are gone. My cousin Kelly has been trying to put together a tribute of sorts for my Grandmom for months now, and my sisters, cousins, and I have been real pains in the ass about it. Yah, I know, everyones busy... but it is something that my Grandmom deserves and it would make her so incredibly happy. Lord knows she could use it, especially in times like this.
So, having recognized the error of my selfish ways, below is a post about Grandmom, and for Kelly:

One of my earliest memories of Grandmom is a Sunday morning when she and Grandfather drove down to our old house on Lightning Lane, bearing donuts, no less! I remember climbing up on the chair next to Grandmom and reaching my little grubby hand into the white box of decadence. Jelly donuts were like gold to me as a child. Grandmom cut mine in half and i proceeded to lick the jelly out, getting powdered sugar virtually everywhere. As I munched away and Grandfather caught up with my Mom and Dad, Grandmom whispered to me, "Tell Grandfather he's full of boloney." "GRANDFATHER!" I shreiked, interrupting, he and my parents. "You're full of boloney!!!" He mocked horror at my declaration. Grandmom laughed. My mom yelled at me.
I will forever associate Grandmom with sweets, which my sisters and I were deprived in our daily lives. Trips to Grandmom's house meant the CANDY DISH: a never-ending supply of jelly beans, mint leaves, and chocolates. Velvetta cheese and ritz crackers. Chocolate milk. When Grandmom would come a stay a few days with us when my parents went away, it was a Tastykake party! No matter what "junk food" my Mom would buy in preparation for her fun arrival, Grandmom still arrived with an armload of sugary goodness. Tastycakes and American cheese; my sisters and I were never happier.
When I collected dolls as a kid, I remember going with Grandmom and my mom to the Doll Hospital to fix a few antiques. When I first became interested in the Kennedys, Grandmom was one of the first to assist my obsession, letting me climb through the den and route around for books. She was the only person who could rival my excitement for Jackie Kennedy dolls.
When I was in college, Grandmom and I had laundry parties (where I'd come over with a hefty bag full or dirty clothes, having all intentions of completing the task in one night, but never finishing the job; she would always finish for me). One night, my roomate Jenny and I came over and we all watched Miss America and tore the contestants apart. Jenny had such a good time she asked Grandmom to move in with us in Manayunk.
Just last summer, when I was working in Chester (God-forbid), I would frequently come have lunch with Grandmom. Those were some of my favorite memories. We got to chatting about Grandfather and Great Aunts and Uncles that I never knew all that well. I loved learning more about her, Grandfather, and my family. Also the photos were priceless.
Grandmom is quite possibly one of the strongest women I have ever met, and I am so thankful to count her as a role model in my life (and especially thankful for her sweet tooth).

Drowning

I am drowning in bad news this week. Drowning.
An email from Uncle Pat at 4am, followed by an early phone call from my Mom...
I am suffocating here.
I want to talk to my Grandmom. I want to see my Mom and Dad. I want to hug my Uncle Fred.
I want to go home.
HOME.

J'adore Paris

Paris was amazing. Absolutely incredible and everything I dreamed it would be. Jared and I had a wonderful time, wandering through the Louvre and the Musee d'Orsay. The best hot chocolate in the world at Angelina's. The Arc de Triomph, the Champs-Elysee, Notre Dame, Montmarte. The greatest falafel ever in the Jewish Quarter. Romantic strolls along the Seine. Fondue. Running from the rain. The Eiffel Tower. The entire experience was like a dream... I cannot wait to go back!

And now, a few photos...

Longing for Brotherly Love

Its St. Patricks Day, I'm in Ireland, I have the flu, I have a toothache, and my laptop isn't working. While all my friends (and everyone in this bloody city) are out getting wizasted tonight and having a blast, I will be inside with Smelly Cat, stuffed up, head throbbing, and miserable.

Thats right- this entry is one big pity party. If you dont like it, kiss my arse.

It sucks being sick and away from home. You are never too old to be taken care of by your mom. I wish I was curled up on our soft couch at home, drfting in and out of conciousness with Ginger at my feet, watching DVDs while my mom periodically checked on me and brought me miso soup, tea, and medicine.

When I felt better, I'd spend some time in Center City. Its been one helluva week and I need me some Brotherly Love right now. I'd have veggie burgers at Monk's with their delish fries, chocolate covered creme brulee for dessert, and a nice tall cider. I'd spend the day at the Ritz, watching all the artsy fartsy movies my brain could handle. I'd go on one of "Our Dates" with Jared: Dinner at Friday Saturday Sunday, something organic and to-die-for, Chocolate Souffle at Roy's for dessert, dancing at the Four Seasons cause we're classy kids. I'd mosey down Boat House Row and saunter through the art museum, go to the Constitution Center with my Political Beau and meet my parents at Cuba Libre for mojhitos and salsa dancing cause they're wild like that. A Girls Night would be in order, as would some quality time at C-71, and a trip to a comedy club to see Animosity Pierre. A movie night with my sisters. I would gather all the loved ones I could rally and have a feast at Charles Plaza, then go to the Chinese bakery and indulge on Bubble Tea. I'd have drinks and tapas with Jared at that tiny bar near Rittenhouse (whose name I cant remember): fig and goat cheese bruschetta that makes your mouth water! Brunch at Sabrinas, a long walk around the city to recover.

Oh how I miss Philadelphia.

Procrastination Method No. 265

I LIVE: in Dublin
I WORK: on essays ALL THE TIME
I TALK: loudly
I WISH: I knew what I was writing my dissertation on
I ENJOY: PARIS
I LOOK: like Minnie Driver, or so I'm told
I SEE: rain. constantly. booo.
I SMELL: my Starbux latte... mmmm
I LISTEN: to my heart, not my mind
I HIDE: a lot
I PRAY: for it to stop raining
I WALK: quickly
I WRITE: constantly
I HOPE: I get a great job in the fall
I SING: Judy Garland every evening
I LAUGH: loudly
I CAN: throw heavy balls and spears very far... GRRR!
I WATCH: Daily Show clips online
I LEARN: new things every day
I DREAM: of a happy future
I WANT: a new laptop
I CRY: when I hurt
I BURNT: my lips on hot coffee
I READ: the Economist and Vogue
I LOVE: completely
I SOMETIMES: lose my temper
I TOUCH: my hair
I HURT: my feet from walking miles in Paris in impractical shoes
I FEAR: losing myself
I HOPE: I really make a difference
I BREAK: skulls... haha... not really :)
I EAT: a lot
I QUIT: never
I BATHE: every day
I DRINK: coffee coffee coffee
I SAVE: everything
I HUG: everyone
I MEDITATE: never
I PLAY: the piano
I MISS: home
I HOLD: my bookbag
I FORGIVE: generally
I DRIVE: nothing in Dublin
I HAVE: too much work to do
I DON'T: like cous-cous
I MADE: a mess in my bedroom
I BELIEVE: in myself
I OWE: taxes... booo
I FEEL: exhausted and irritated today
I KNOW: everything :)
I WONDER: if I can be productive today

**Paris update to come soon!

Another Hot Date

Another Friday night, another hot date with Charles Darwin.

Dressed in my Productive Polly Gear (i.e. La Salle track and field baseball hat, sweat shirt, ugly jeans, and sneakers) I am spending my Friday night in the Post Grad Reading Room. I just had a quick jog over to the Spar to grab dinner- a ploughman's cheese sandwich and a diet coke- not the Meal of Champions but it should get me through the night without making another fateful trip to Starbucks. If I have any more coffee today I'm pretty sure my heart will explode. But all in the name of my essay...

Not that I have any room to complain. JARED ARRIVES TOMORROW!!!! (insert excited squeals here) And after we spend a few days in Dublin, we are off to PARIS- an opprotunity to practice my French, spend days in the Louvre, hours in cafes, and indulge our way through the most romantic city in the world. I am beyond excited, and it has been far too long since I have seen Jared. It is going to be AMAZING.

So if ye few but faithful readers dont hear from me for a few days, thats where I'll be: drinking champagne, eating croissants, and gaining a good fifteen.

Happily, of course.

Au revoir! x

Ode to the Reading Room

I am sitting here in the Postgraduate Reading Room on campus and I am bloody miserable.

Why the Reading Room, you ask? Thats right... its ESSAY TIME again and with Jared coming this weekend (whoo hooo) the panic has officially set in.

The work is coming along slowly but surely. On the bright side, I have been more productive in the last two days than I have been in about a month. Again, I'm pretty sure that can be attributed to the sheer panic that has kept me up every night for the past week.

Did I mention that I'm panicking?

The thingy-on-my-laptop-that-connects-my-ethernet-card-to-the-cable shat the bed last night... up and DIED on me... leaving my lap top without so much as an inkling of internet. Booo for my old ass computer. Lucky for me, my dear Daddy loves me and is out searching for one of these magic little gadgets to send along with Jared this weekend. Until then, however, I must subject myself to the confines of (dum dum dummmm)...the Reading Room.

I am in the "basement" of the building right now because its the only computer that was available when I arrived this evening after a long day of classes. (Apparently some of the piss-ants that go to Trinity thought tonight would be a good night to do some online gambling and hog all the computers... freakin NERDS... but I digress). The basement has puke green carpet, terrible lighting, and is damp and FREEZING... and I DO mean ARCTIC! Two grown men are at the other end of the room causing a ruckus, a blond chic is wrestling with the broken printer, and the guy next to me is breathing like Darth Vader. He not only sounds annoying, but he smells annoying... hello Reindeer Breath.

SIIIIIGH. Fabulous working conditions.

Someone is going to get a very angry email tomorrow morning. Until then, however, someone else is going to get a mint.