Stick a Fork in Me...

I'm DONE. Dissertation, Ireland, everything. Its all over.

Today is my very last day. I woke up crying, which is never a good sign. Lots of running around, packing, goodbyes, and tears.


BOOOOOO for goodbyes. :(

Love is a Burning Thing

And it makes a fiery ring
bound by wild desire
I fell in to a ring of fire...





Happy Anniversary Babe!

"HOLIDAY... it would be so nice!"

Thats right, I'm finally going on a holiday! My dissertation is almost done, my gorgeous editor (i.e. Jared) is going to give it a once over while I'm away, so I am not going to think about rape or torture or war for at least six days. Its going to be heaven.

So it will be less of this... (see reading room and yours truly surrounded by copious amounts of caffeinated substances)



And more of this... (yours truly on the beach)


I'll be singing Madonna all the way to the airport! London and Budapest don't know what they're in for! :)

Things Worth Having Dont Come Easy

It has been a long and emotionally draining week, but I think life is on the upswing now, so if I can just avoid having an anxiety attack before I leave for London on Sunday, I think I'll be okay.
Last weekend we all said goodbye to Nugie, which was bloody awful. After a big night out at Cafe en Seine and 4 Dame Lane on Saturday, the night before she left we all had lovely dinner at Diep Noodle House accompanied by ginger and lemongrass martinis. As the seven of us sat around the table and toasted our dear friend at our version of the last supper, I realized that it was the last time we would all be together for a long time. A year? Maybe two? It was heartbreaking. Terribly heartbreaking. To have such dear friendships reduced to emails and phone calls... its not going to be easy.

I am doing my best to cling to all that there is to look forward to. Jared and I will have a few days together in New York when I first arrive to celebrate our (belated) two year anniversary which will be wonderful; catching up with friends and family will be great; and my sisters and I have some fabulous birthday celebrating to do. But before my big trip across the pond, I am committed to making the most of every moment here, in a city I have fallen completely in love with.

A Still Verdictless Life

Its been a big day, my friends, big day. First of all (cue trumpets) I am finished the rough draft of my Masters dissertation. And SWEET JESUS does it feel good. DAMN SPANKING GOOD. To celebrate, Ann and I booked flights for a mini-vacay. London and Budapest- SOOOO excited. Its going to be FABULOUS. Additionally, I purchased my plane ticket home (cue Aer Lingus raping me on excess baggage charges). It is official- I AM COMING HOME.

And holy-sticky-toffee-pudding, I am having an anxiety attack. Where has this summer gone?! Where has this YEAR gone?! Am I seriously almost finished my masters degree?!

As I continue to job hunt with a vengeance, I am sufficiently rattled. Every time I send out an application for a "dream job" (i.e. saving the world) in DC or NYC, I beg the almighty cosmic forces to make something happen. "Just get me an interview... please get me an interview." However most of the deadlines aren't even until mid-September, so I will more than likely spend the next few months in limbo. Poor and in limbo, my entire life up in the air. Some people call it exciting... I call it bad news bears.

Regardless of my poverty and the career path that has not yet been blazed, I am coming home and reunions are in order!!! Improv show Sept. 14th? AP show the 15th?! We could be WILD and do both?! Anywho- get your party hats on kids. I've spent the summer in the library and its time for some FUN!!!

Sweet Melissa

To my dear, dear friend and confidante:
I miss you to bits and I wish that I could be there to celebrate how utterly fabulous you are (through all 21 shots). I can only imagine how this year will compare to last years drunken debauchery...


My friends are the best friends
Loyal, willing and able.
Now let’s get to drinking!
All glasses off the table!

HAPPY 21st MELISS!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

I'll Take It

Your character is strong, dear Gemini, and you feel free to be yourself. There are few, if any, obstacles in your way, and you would do well to push through with a project that you have been working on for some time. You are able to make great leaps and bounds in your professional life. You have a great deal of inner strength, and this air of confidence will draw others toward you. Go forward with gusto.

For What its Worth

Three venti-triple-shot-nonfat-sugar-free-vanilla-lattes: €12.75
One pack of gum: €.79
One toasted spinach bagel: €2.75
15 hours in the postgraduate reading room: Painful
15,141 words of my dissertation a month and a half early: PRICELESS!!!!!!

Jealousy, Turning Saints into the Sea

I try very hard not to be a jealous person. I do my best to keep it tucked away in the corner of my existence with those other ugly traits (read: temper) that only make an appearance when deliberately provoked. Jealousy usually equates insecurity, doesn't it? And I'm generally a secure and confidant person. Not that I don't spend time looking over my shoulder every now and then, but more often than not I look forward, not back. However there is nothing logical about jealousy. It is one of those heinous, irrational feelings that creeps in when you least expect it. Oh its irrational, all right. And all-consuming. If you're not careful, it will drown you in a sea of doubt and frustration.

Today I woke up with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Ugly. Questioning. Dissecting my life. Its annoying and unrelenting, like a headache after one too many glasses of wine. Maybe the anxiety is grounded in insecurity, but I think its primarily founded in hurt. Fear. Disappointment, evolving on that thin layer where the trust begins to buckle. Trust in myself. In others. The results are unanswerable questions. I HATE unanswerable questions. But I cannot predict the future. I cannot read minds and I cannot look into hearts. So I am left to probe motives and direction, questioning my devotion to a role in a twisted play that I never auditioned for, and wondering if there ever comes a time when we stop acting.

Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye!

I cannot believe its August. It truly terrifies me how fast this year has gone by. I imagine they only go faster as you get older... and I do not like it one bit.

This month will be one long procession of good-byes. It started the other day at dinner when Nugie said, "Awww, what if this is the last time we all eat together at The Market Bar?" I've already started making the list in my head- things I have to do before I go back to the States. Its an ambitious list already, complicated by this little project I'm working on (hello, dissertation) and shear time constraints. I hate playing the "last time" game. You know, the "oh no, this could be the last time we're all sitting here in the reading room absolutely miserable together." Its too sad... sad because its so true.

Nugie leaves in a week- the first one of us to go. She will be one of the girls I see most often post- Ireland because she's going to law school in DC- hell, we may end up being neighbors! Regardless, it will be difficult because it marks the beginning of the end. The end of essay bootcamps, all-nighters, potlucks, and Starbux runs. Theatre nights, cocktails at Cafe en Seine, class outings. Nights spent at 4 DAME LANE and the Stags Head, days spent cursing the rain and tourists, weekends spent in the country. The most heartbreaking part of it all is that though the girls and I will always be friends, it will never be the same. I guess thats the thing about moving on... it never is.

Though I have always HATED goodbyes, I am excited for the next chapter of my life. It will be great to be back in the States and close to family and loved ones. I love, love, LOVE reconnecting with friends, and that is something I can definitly count on. Hopefully I will have a job to look forward to soon, so I can stop hyper-ventilating every time someone asks me what I'm doing when I get back.

And as far as the girls... I know they will always be a part of my life. And even if things are never the same, we will have fabulous reunions all over the world. And I guess it doesn't get much better than that.