Les Miserables

*WARNING: THIS ENTRY CONTAINS EXPLETIVES. NOT SUITABLE FOR... ANYONE REALLY*



I am miserable.

Just when I was beginning to see my way out of the funk that has consumed my life recently, I get a bad hair cut. Dont believe me? Look at the photo. My head was raped, gang-banged even, by Suzy Scissorhands... apparently "Just a trim, please, no more than two inches" equals "Four and a half inches and some Farrah Fawcett fringe" in this country. What is it, fucking 1970? I am blowing up that piece of shit salon and killing that woman tomorrow.

All anyone can say is "it will feel better when you wash it." Oh really fool? You mean when I wash the wax out of my straightened tresses and go back to my normal curly mane I will feel better? Oh no I wont, Sir. Because curls = shrinkage. I'm going to have a fucking pixie cut after I wash this shit. My heart stopped- literally stopped beating when I was sitting in the chair- but once they take the first big snip there is nothing you can do but sit there and pray. So I sat and prayed to the fashion Gods that they please, please spare me... they didnt. Assholes. Precisely why I believe in reincarnation.

So I lept out of the chair as quickly as I could while Ann looked at me nervously from the waiting area, knowing damn well that I was not a happy camper. She said as enthusiastically as she could, "You look like Keely!" No. Keely has LOOOONG straight hair. Mine is now SHORT. And unevenly layered.

So I left in tears and Ann did what any good friend would do in a crisis like this: took me to a pub and called my girlfriends in for support. Four pitchers of sangria and a few Bloody Marys later and I didnt give two shits about this hair. After all, up-do's are in this season, and my hair will be up. For the next month.

In this awful time, I take comfort in the fact that my hair grows like a weed, and hopefully by the time I go home in May it will be long enough for my normal hairdresser to correct the damage. If not, it will be baseball season...

My Phillies hat is always in style.