Painful Progress

"Nothings lost forever. In this world there is a kind of painful progess. Longing for what is left behind and dreaming ahead."
-Angels in America

The stress is palpable. All-consuming. Lethal. Somewhere along the line my life became a series of questions... questions with no answers. I could drown in the uncertainty. Everyone says to enjoy the process. I am often too worried about what comes next in life to truly enjoy the present... too concerned about letting experiences and people go. Yeah you'll always have memories, but memories are not tangible. I want the real thing.

My life is often just one big contradiction. It must be the Gemini in me... the personality extremes. I miss home like crazy, but I love my life here. I love being in Ireland and I love being a student, but I am ready to kick my career into motion, ready to start meeting some of my goals. I am excited about what may come next, but terrified as hell it wont be enough.

When is it all supposed to come together? At what point do you know when "its" not going to happen? Do you ever really know? At what point do you stop worrying about life and just start living life?

Do the questions ever develop into answers, or do the questions define the painful progess?